Why it took so long to discover the pleasure and unexpected benefits of a little tie and tease, I’ll never know. Perhaps it’s because 50 Shades of Grey wasn’t out when I was in my 20s! I suspect that dealing with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction for years was the real reason. I simply didn’t have time for more adventurous sex. Now I realize I should have made time for it. After all, you don’t even need an erection or penetrative sex to pleasure your partner. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell him to stop obsessing over erection strength, penetration, lasting time, and “performance.” Instead, I’d tell him to relax, get some silk ties or handcuffs, massage oil, and candles!
Really, Spanking?
Let’s go back to my 20s for a moment. Like most guys who’ve had a fair number of partners, I discovered early on that many people find spanking a real turn on. Some like it light and occasional, while others like the regular sting of a strong palm and don’t seem to mind having red cheeks. However, it wasn’t my thing. It always felt contrived or mildly abusive, so I usually just did it enough not to be boring. It wasn’t me. I was more into passionate lovemaking than being dominant. And of course, having difficulty lasting longer than a few minutes during sex meant I didn’t have time to explore all that stuff. My mind was focused on lasting longer than the previous embarrassing session.
Coming Out of My Sexual Shell
After years of avoiding anything too adventurous, I eventually came out of my sexual shell with help. Now, I last much longer than before, but I still sometimes have unpredictable erection problems. Even though I have better control, it’s still on my mind, so I’m constantly looking for new ways to improve that control, both for my own sake and for my readers. When I met someone who loved naughty fun, it gave me the opportunity to explore the concept of expanding sex beyond penetration, ejaculation, and orgasm.
The Gradual Build-Up
I won’t go into a detailed day-by-day account of how things developed, but I want to mention that it wasn’t a sudden transition from normal sex to being a kinky master. It was a gradual process. We had a lot of sex for about 3 weeks since we lived close together, several times a day most days. The chemistry was amazing, which helped, and my partner was confident. And the great thing was that she helped me become more confident. It was as if she subtly dominated me to guide me to being dominant. But at the same time, it seemed to awaken something that had been dormant for years. So I quickly learned to take the lead during sex by controlling the intensity of spanking, choosing positions, and dictating the rhythm and flow.
Slowing Things Down with a Simple Tie
The first time I decided to tie my partner instead of just spanking was a rather gentle affair for me. Of course, my old self was still there, so I didn’t use anything too harsh like handcuffs, coarse ropes, or my belt. A nice, soft silk tie was more suitable (and my partner later told me she prefers it anyway). I also didn’t want to tie every limb to a corner of the bed. Just a simple tie around her wrists stretched out above her head and an eye blindfold seemed like a good start. With candles flickering in the gentle evening breeze coming through the window, some sexy soul music playing, and a glass of wine in my hand, I felt a strange mix of calmness and excitement. My partner lay on the bed, slowly moving her body, waiting to see what I would do next. And that’s when I had my first eureka moment. I could just relax and focus on my partner without worrying about my own body’s performance. And the best part was that it could last for a long time. And it did.
The Art of the Tease
My instinct was to play with my partner’s arousal level, building her up gradually but never reaching the peak. So I spent time gently running my fingertips over her body, kissing her all over, and teasing her with my tongue. I whispered naughty things in her ear and occasionally spanked her, which was even more erotic since she couldn’t see it coming. I made her reach out to kiss my mouth, but I didn’t let her until I wanted her to. Eventually, I went down south to give her oral sex, but then I would return to other parts of her body. Over many minutes, I gradually intensified it until she was about to orgasm, but I didn’t let her. I don’t remember how many times I brought her close to orgasm with my tongue that first time, but it was probably too many because I was enjoying it so much. By the time I finally positioned myself on top to join the party, she was writhing on the bed with sexual tension. And to my surprise and delight, she came almost immediately. Eureka moment number two…
How It Can Help with Erectile Dysfunction
Let me skip ahead and explain a few concepts I’ve learned since that passionate night of tie and tease. Since this site focuses on helping guys deal with problems like PE and ED, I want to explain why this is such a great way to handle both. For some men with ED, it’s about relaxing and taking the pressure off. And this is a perfect way to do that. When you’re in control, you can focus on your partner and do things that help you get erect. If you need to play with yourself or have your partner touch you, you can easily do it. And maybe you’ll discover something that gets you going. And if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. You can still bring your partner to climax through manual or oral sex. Remember, this isn’t just about your partner’s pleasure. It’s about trust, sexual energy, and connection, and enjoying intimacy in new ways that don’t always have to involve penetrative sex. So relax and enjoy it. Whether you have penetrative sex or not, it’s still great!
How It Can Help with Premature Ejaculation
In the same way as above, this is about exploring other ways to be intimate together. So it’s not just a linear sequence of foreplay, sex, quick ejaculation, and disappointment. By taking the focus off penetration and your sexual stamina, you have a world of possibilities. And when you do have sex after some kinky fun, you can still find ways to help you last longer. For example, if your partner is already very aroused after teasing, the likelihood of you having an orgasm quickly is reduced. If you get too close to the point of no return, you can pull out and tease her again. My partner loves it when I stop during sex to go back to oral. She tells me it’s agonizing but then enjoys it when I finally resume. And of course, if you have severe premature ejaculation, you can continue with the tie and tease until your partner reaches climax. And you can do it again and again if you want. It really opens up a whole new realm of possibilities if you take the time to explore it. And the important thing is that instead of fighting against it, you now have time on your side.
